So it has been a long time since I wrote, I may not even have it in me anymore. Life has been chaos, on September 1 of last year Granny living with us and her son needing to take care of her, she is his only child became just too much for me to handle so I moved out. James was left to take care of her alone and figure out what to do. Needless to say there have been a few million hurts along the way. In October our precious boys were in a car accident that should have claimed their lives but the one constant that always remains is God is always there he circled angels around them and they climb safely up the 75 foot embankment they rolled down. Oh Nicc had to have 12 stitches in his head and Collin was bruised but for the most part they are simply as they always have been my precious miracles.

Now I will say caring for an aging parent could be tough on any marriage but one that had been plagued with as much as James and I have been through over the last few years, it really took its toll. James struggles to balance his mothers care even though he has placed her in assisted living and I struggle to find myself after the torment and fear I lived in. Collin is an amazing kid who seems to withstand it all, NIcc at the critical age of becoming a man has endured some deep hurts. We are working on them to help him heal. I wish this was one of my stories of triumph but it is a story of finding my way back to God. As I listened to music from BIG STUFF a camp I attended 2 years in a row with my sons youth group I began to see some clarity. I don't know what the future holds, I don't know where this part of my journey where lead me but I do know I have to find my way back to the cross and that I do believe that God is my Healer. Just love those songs. I also realize that I carry deep emotional scars from when I was 17 and started making bad choices, which I layered with lies to keep hidden from the world. When Success came my way I flourished in it and lapped it up like a dog drinking water, I praised God but when He took it from me, I never understood then move any mom in with you and hey things might get a little tricky. There are alot of rumors or versions of the story floating around out there but let me tell you all this, there is blame on many and forgiveness awaits. I ask that those who once rallied around us do so again through your prayers, God can move mountains and I don't know which ones he will move but the first one I pray is swift and quick reuniting of Nicc and James. They were best friends and love each other so much its hard watching them try to find their way home. As for me just pray for me to hear God clearly and to the next right thing. Oh and I pray for each of you to lift James up in healing of his back he has been unable to work for over a year and for his mom, for her peace.

God Bless you all!