Listening to the news this morning, I realized just how troubled our world is. I feel like I don;t even recognize it sometimes. We all have someone we know that has been seriously affected by the economy and the many of us have friends that have lost jobs, homes and feel like they are trapped by this world. It was worrisome to me as I watched people I love experience the depths of uncertainty in a very uncertain world but while some were close friends it still wasn't happening to me... Then after 30 years in the automotive Industry my precious husband became the victim of the economy as his employer looked at the bottom line and began not making cuts in staff but cutting salaries as much as 50%. It began to get more and more difficult, then before we knew it like a bad dream they began to ask him to be a party to fraud and He being a man of integrity could not sell out to this way of thinking. He could not help them survive by robbing himself of his integrity, at 50 years old, never being anything more then the Best employee any employer could as for, he found himself unemployed. We accepted the change with excitement and renewed vision for my business. excited to be together and sure that God had a plan.

God does have a plan we just don't always know what it is. We have to pray and keep our eyes on him, no matter what has come our way, what sacrifice we have to make, what changes we have to make in our Lifestyle or what "stuff" we give up, we know God is in Control and that he has us and our best interest in mind, we know he is enough and he will meet our needs. Now I think even knowing this and having a spouse that shares my unwavering faith, I still get scared, worry and have to retreat and surrender over and over again, what and how are the people of our world who do not have faith, do not know that God is the light of the world, how are they surviving these troubled times? Scary! I can't imagine not having hope. No matter how bad it gets I always have hope because I have Faith. I know that my situation is nothing compared to some people but even I struggle and yet I always have hope. It is no wonder there are so many desperate acts of violence, fathers taking the lives of their entire families, mothers taking the lives of their children, they have no hope. Can you imagine how dark, how alone, how troubled and confused they are? We all have experienced that uncomfortable feeling of being in a new place, where we don't know anyone, we don't know our way around or even where the bathroom is, where we go to eat, we would all just ask someone to point us in the right direction. What if though there was no one around, you stood alone and there was no one, no map, no cell phone nothing and nothingness is all that surrounded you. Can you imagine what that would feel like? To have no hope? Isn't that how many of us feel all the time, alone with nothing to hold onto? God is always there and he always has hope for us, he always has a way out, it doesn't mean he takes all the things in life away but it does mean we have HOPE if we look to him!.

the following verses offer guidance to a troubled world, to the believer and to the one who hungers for more, answers and peace. God knows our hearts and he knows that we feel like stragers to our world, he knows that feelings of uncertainity lead to sin but he tells us that he will lead us through troubled times. He is the light unto the world, he is our comforter, he is our visonary, he has a vision for our lives, but we have to look to him to share in his vision!

1 Peter 2:11 (New International Version)
11Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.

Colossians 3:2 (New International Version)
2Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.


John 14:6 (New International Version)
6Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Psalm 121:1-7 (New International Version)
Psalm 121
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;

Forgiveness

We are all flawed and full of imperfections, God loves us anyways yet he disciplines us for our sins. As an imperfect person, I pray that God will move miracles and mountains to restore those who are broken and hurt and give those of us like me compassion to love even when we don't understand! I am a "Hammer" nailing people to the wall holding them accountable to things that I are not right. I fall short many many times, I have a problem keeping my voice quiet, OK look I yell especially when I know someone is not being truthful, I expect honesty and when someone is not honest I am brutal. It is hard, very hard on me and hard on those around me, in fact many people walk away because of my brutality. I am brutal I know it I am very guilty of of seeing it this way " Well if they were just honest then we wouldn't be here" truthfully though because I am this way I know I have to find a better way to hold people accountable, a kinder softer way. I am also though a person that give forgiveness pretty freely, admit, repent and turn and you have my forgiveness and most of the time I will really forget it too. I hold my family to extremely HIGH expectations, loyalty, honesty I HAMMER it in, I also love them Fiercely and while I have EXTREMELY high expectations there is nothing you Can do to take my love away, it does not go away. I have my own character flaws outside of the Hammer mentality, I yell, I can be judgemental, manipulating and a million other character flaws. What I have experienced often in life is that people will ask for forgiveness but very few people are capable of giving it. In most cases it is because they allow things to build up, boiling over then they are so full of resentment they can't go back. Hence the polar opposite of me, I tell you what I think, what is wrong and I also am pretty good at recognizing my bad behaviors and talk about my short-comings often. I keep working on them and the biggest thing I have to work on is that I am so passionate about life that I talk with passion even when I am happy, I have tones in my voice and body language that is overpowering but I love every step of the way. I don't let resentments build up, " I tell people whats wrong and then work to find a solution" maybe I do that because at one time I was so angry with the world that I hated myself, my life and everyone in my path, then I got rid of the resentments. Now I have to work on speaking about things rather then "hammering" them into my loved ones.

Forgiveness is essential to our own freedom, happiness and spirituality. Maybe people can forgive and walk away not giving people the chance to change. I love to watch people grow and change and even when I don't like having my short-comings pointed out, I still love the end result of having them brought to my attention because I love the freedom in learning and conquering my defects of character. I wish the whole world could just extend forgiveness, I wish I never had to ask for forgiveness but I am human, I am the hammer, and while it is "hammering" to experience it is also a beautiful gift. I love, I require honesty, I hurt, but I also forgive. I read the following passages today, in search of words to bring me comfort in this time of pain, pain caused from my hammering, pain caused because I did not create a safe place for those I love to speak freely so ultimately resentment grew and grew until it boiled over, once it boils their are so many overflowing hurts that often going back is difficult. What is forgiveness and how does God want us to deal with it. What is it like in real life. This blog was very helpful http://www.gospel.com/blog/index.php/2009/06/08/forgiveness-in-real-life/ and so was

Hebrews 12:15 "Be sure that no one misses God's grace. See to it that a bitter plant doesn't grow up. If it does, it will cause trouble. And it will pollute many people." I don't want anyone to miss Gods grace so I hammer what they need to get rid of, and I speak my mind because I don't want to pollute those around me with my own bitterness. I give forgiveness and love but I am not perfect, I do expect certain things in return and that may not be right but what I truly desire is that those I love, those I might hurt would speak truth into my life, and then offer forgiveness. I feel alone sometimes because it seems we all desire forgiveness but it is so hard to actually extend it. I guess it is a test of my own faith, my own humanness because if people can walk away in bitterness can I remain not bitter? I don't know? I am sure I can because bitterness is like a disease, and I don't like feeling tired, sick and run down, and that is what bitterness does. I just have to pray for love, compassion and that bitterness from my own hurts will not invade my life costing me more then it already robbed me of after years spent imprisoned by bitterness.

GOD BLESS, Give Forgiveness, speak truth into someones life, take a chance, trust that God will provide a way, but forgiveness is the key to freedom!

I haven't blogged in a while, I have been busy working on some other writings. I laid out on my deck earlier and looked up at the sky, WHAT A MAJESTIC SITE! As lay there looking up, staring through the branches of my tree catching glimpse of the most perfect blue sky, several things went through my head. I have a friend who says trees remind her to Praise God, There they are every day reaching up to the Heavens their arms (branches) open wide just praising God, They keep their arms stretched out and up through storms, through bitter cold, howling wind, through scorching heat, trees just keep their arms open wide, even when a a limb is snapped from its trunk the tree continues to reach toward the sky, praising GOD! Now, isn't that exactly what God wants us to do?

Absolutely, we are supposed to praise him in the good times and in the bad times. I can't imagine if my arm was cut off that I would praise God immediately, oh sure I would get there but it would take me some time but trees they just keep their arms open wide praising God. When the heat of life gets to me I wilt and struggle, but even when a tree is thirsty and begins to wilt and die, what branches it still has are you guessed it stretched up towards the sky praising God. I don't even have many trees on my property, its just where we live, it was a pasture at one time so there just aren't many trees but several years ago I planted a seedling my grandfather and dug up before he died and planted in a pot for me. He had been a farmer and he thought all of us should have trees, he planted trees, flowers and taught all of us how to cultivate, nurture and tend to our plants, very symbolic because that is what he did for most of his family. He planted the seed, then he fed it watered it, nurtured and then watched us sprout up, eventually branching out on our own. I did exactly as he told me with this little seedling as today it towers over my house and provides beautiful shade from the heat. The funny thing is, it is the only tree that has flourished or anything that I have planted. Why? because I did exactly as he told me too, I never tried it any other way. I want to be like my tree, I want to open my arms and praise God through it all, how? Well, God gave us a book full of instructions... The Bible, How easy would life be if, I could follow God's instructions to the letter, not every adding my two cents?

Pretty powerful Question?

Over the last few weeks I find myself getting more addicted to FaceBook. There are those that say its not a good thing but I have to tell you, I love it. Facebook has allowed me to reconnect with so many people and I get to keep up with my kiddos and their friends. We get to share our lives, put a smile on our faces, support friends through daily activities and there is laughter, I laugh at the hilarious things my friends kids do, the crazy things my kids and their friends do and the fact that we all get to chime makes us feel like what, involved, needed. I don't know what it does or if its really unhealthy but I do know I love it. The reason I think I love it so much is just knowing what is going on in every ones lives and I love seeing and hearing how so many of my friends from Grade School, High School have such amazing faith, and are turning their lives and their adversity and their triumphs to GOD. Think about it how many of set around and talked about it in High School, about our faith. Not many, Oh I probably preached to a few of those friends as I was judgemental and spewed my judgements in some screwed up self-righteous sermon. I have lived life since then as has many of my friends. I am not sure that pride is the right word but I am so proud of my friends from home. I love seeing everyone talk about God, His plan for their life, and Loving him even when they don't have everything they want. WHAT A BLESSING everyone is. Thank you to all of you who share your lives on FB and twitter. I LOVE YOU ALL!

Today is overcast and just a little cool, great snuggle weather. I really find myself just wanting to climb in bed with a good book, drink hot chocolate, read and wear big fuzzy slippers. Sounds warm and comforting doesn't it? I reminded that we don't need warm fuzzy slippers, hot chocolate or a big fluffy blanket to feel warm, cuddly and comforted because God wants to comfort us, he is our comforter! I think it takes practice to learn just how to lean on him so that he can comfort us but when we seek him, we will find him and then he will comfort us making those days that we can just snuggle under a big down comforter, a good book, a loved one and a cup of steamy hot chocolate, well it just makes those days a tangible bonus of the comfort we can have everyday. We never ever have to feel cold, alone or empty, we can feel all snuggled in every minute of everyday because the greatest comforter of all is waiting on us!

Isaiah 49:13
13 Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.

PUT IT IN PERSPECTIVE!

Honestly I always write what is going on in my life and what I learn from the events that are usually happening right then, because it seems like God teaches me something profound everyday, this week has been one of those "AH-HA" moments!

A couple of things have been going on this week, one my son and his girlfriend broke up, again, this time for good I think and the other I have had the opportunity to reconnect with old friends from high School, elementary school and some of those that I can't even remember ever not knowing them. My son and his girlfriend's break-up weighs on my heart because I love them both so much but I also know it was so time for them to move on, they are kids and need to be kids or at least I know my son needs to be a kid. I see him frustrated, hurt and to extent relieved and I just want to wipe all that pain away, give him all the knowledge and wisdom I think I have from my youth, share with him that no matter what or how your perceive it now later the pain wont be what you remember, instead he will remember his first love and wont even remember why they broke up. The significance wont be in the break up it will be in that "First-love" experience.

Now as a mom, what do I do with my frustration, you cant be angry even though hey I was, I was honestly tired of the hassle of the entirety of the girlfriend thing and since they go to different High Schools I was missing all of my sons other friends, the friends that he has carefully chosen and known since kindergarten in most cases. Frustrated and throwing up my hands and a little hurt I tried to act like I don't care or didn't care. I was frustrated and it grew throughout the evening, just frustrated with all of it my son, his now ex-girlfriend, her parents, my husband, myself, you know "mama bear" was in full defensive stance and yet I didn't really know what t o do.

I talked to an old friend that I have recently reconnected with and later the conversation, the reflection on our youth changed my perception completely. I do care, I am frustrated and I am so glad, I want to shout to the LORD thank you for letting me have these emotions, Thank you for my beautiful son, THANK You for Frustrating relationships, thank you for his heart ache, his frustration, his dads frustration, Thank you for all of it, PRAISE GOD THANK YOU FOR MY SON! Why? Its not because I am such a good Christian that I know this is how I am supposed to be, no its more about the legacy of our lives and the events that we learn from, the things that happen that impact our lives even years later. See, I have been helping my friend Nikki with the upcoming memorial golf tournament held each year in honor of her little brother Brett. Brett was 15 when a gun accident claimed his life while playing in the front yard at a friends house. 15, the same age as my son. 15, just beginning to experience life, love, heartache and for Brett and his family they never had the opportunity to see him grow up and understand that you do survive first loves, or that you get to do it all over again, and his parents didn't get to be frustrated with their sons relationships, choices, influences or parents of those outside of their home, they didn't get the opportunity to see him grow and learn from hurts and frustrations, but I do, my son does. HOW CAN I NOT THROW up my HAND IN PRAISE and say Thank YOU LORD for the gift of emotions, even the heartache, the frustration the need to defend my child, I am Blessed and thankful for every moment, every hurt, every resentment, every frustration because I have my son.

God uses things all the time from our past to teach us,for me I do want to PRAISE GOD and Shout to the HEAVENS what a BLESSING life is. I also want to say thank you to the parents of Brett Bird and to Brett's sister, Nikki Lange (Bird), because they have chosen to keep their sons memory alive, even in something as trivial as a break-up his life being lost tragically, showed me just how thankful and joyful I should be even when we are walking through hurt or anger, 19 years later, His story, his life and the loss of his life, inspired me and allowed me to say THANK YOU LORD even in adversity. I wouldn't have it any other way. Growing up is hard and we can't protect our children from emotional growth and they make mistakes along the way and even more importantly as parents we make mistakes too but wow I AM SO THANKFUL for the opportunity to Mess up, hurt and even get a little angry because I GET TO GO THROUGH it with my son. THANK YOU GOD FOR my children, for their Friends, their heartaches, their mistakes and thank you for letting me see your beauty in all of it! -Amen

I have been sick for the last week or so, today is really the first day that I feel "back-to-myself". I feel the residual effect of sickness and I really began to think about how physical illness is so much like spiritual illness and how sin can make us physically sick. If you have known anyone in any kind of recovery, or someone that struggles with addiction of any kind you are aware that the only real explanation is a "spiritual malady" essentially they are spiritually sick. Aren't we all? Unlike the flu or a cold, there is no prescription that will cure the ailments of being spiritually sick and the most amazing part of spiritual sickness is if left untreated the body becomes physically ill and eventually the mind will become sick as well. Not all mental illness or physical ailments are a result of being spiritually sick but there are those case such as addiciton that it is all related to a spiritually disconnect. Fortunately, while you can't go to a doctor to get a prescription to fight an infection, there is a prescription for spiritual sickness, it was written thousands of years ago and there is healing and survival in its pages. The prescription is simple, Give yourself to God, feed your spirit through studying his word, and learn to lean on him, practice Spiritual fitness, healing of perplexed and devastated spirit is waiting, just like be sick its up to us to go to the doctor, God is Waiting on us!

Matthew 4:23 (New International Version)
Jesus Heals the Sick
23Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people.