Forgiveness

We are all flawed and full of imperfections, God loves us anyways yet he disciplines us for our sins. As an imperfect person, I pray that God will move miracles and mountains to restore those who are broken and hurt and give those of us like me compassion to love even when we don't understand! I am a "Hammer" nailing people to the wall holding them accountable to things that I are not right. I fall short many many times, I have a problem keeping my voice quiet, OK look I yell especially when I know someone is not being truthful, I expect honesty and when someone is not honest I am brutal. It is hard, very hard on me and hard on those around me, in fact many people walk away because of my brutality. I am brutal I know it I am very guilty of of seeing it this way " Well if they were just honest then we wouldn't be here" truthfully though because I am this way I know I have to find a better way to hold people accountable, a kinder softer way. I am also though a person that give forgiveness pretty freely, admit, repent and turn and you have my forgiveness and most of the time I will really forget it too. I hold my family to extremely HIGH expectations, loyalty, honesty I HAMMER it in, I also love them Fiercely and while I have EXTREMELY high expectations there is nothing you Can do to take my love away, it does not go away. I have my own character flaws outside of the Hammer mentality, I yell, I can be judgemental, manipulating and a million other character flaws. What I have experienced often in life is that people will ask for forgiveness but very few people are capable of giving it. In most cases it is because they allow things to build up, boiling over then they are so full of resentment they can't go back. Hence the polar opposite of me, I tell you what I think, what is wrong and I also am pretty good at recognizing my bad behaviors and talk about my short-comings often. I keep working on them and the biggest thing I have to work on is that I am so passionate about life that I talk with passion even when I am happy, I have tones in my voice and body language that is overpowering but I love every step of the way. I don't let resentments build up, " I tell people whats wrong and then work to find a solution" maybe I do that because at one time I was so angry with the world that I hated myself, my life and everyone in my path, then I got rid of the resentments. Now I have to work on speaking about things rather then "hammering" them into my loved ones.

Forgiveness is essential to our own freedom, happiness and spirituality. Maybe people can forgive and walk away not giving people the chance to change. I love to watch people grow and change and even when I don't like having my short-comings pointed out, I still love the end result of having them brought to my attention because I love the freedom in learning and conquering my defects of character. I wish the whole world could just extend forgiveness, I wish I never had to ask for forgiveness but I am human, I am the hammer, and while it is "hammering" to experience it is also a beautiful gift. I love, I require honesty, I hurt, but I also forgive. I read the following passages today, in search of words to bring me comfort in this time of pain, pain caused from my hammering, pain caused because I did not create a safe place for those I love to speak freely so ultimately resentment grew and grew until it boiled over, once it boils their are so many overflowing hurts that often going back is difficult. What is forgiveness and how does God want us to deal with it. What is it like in real life. This blog was very helpful http://www.gospel.com/blog/index.php/2009/06/08/forgiveness-in-real-life/ and so was

Hebrews 12:15 "Be sure that no one misses God's grace. See to it that a bitter plant doesn't grow up. If it does, it will cause trouble. And it will pollute many people." I don't want anyone to miss Gods grace so I hammer what they need to get rid of, and I speak my mind because I don't want to pollute those around me with my own bitterness. I give forgiveness and love but I am not perfect, I do expect certain things in return and that may not be right but what I truly desire is that those I love, those I might hurt would speak truth into my life, and then offer forgiveness. I feel alone sometimes because it seems we all desire forgiveness but it is so hard to actually extend it. I guess it is a test of my own faith, my own humanness because if people can walk away in bitterness can I remain not bitter? I don't know? I am sure I can because bitterness is like a disease, and I don't like feeling tired, sick and run down, and that is what bitterness does. I just have to pray for love, compassion and that bitterness from my own hurts will not invade my life costing me more then it already robbed me of after years spent imprisoned by bitterness.

GOD BLESS, Give Forgiveness, speak truth into someones life, take a chance, trust that God will provide a way, but forgiveness is the key to freedom!