you know I have always thought of myself as this really good person, I love passionately and I fight hard for those I love and I forgive pretty easily, I get angry and I get hurt but I love you so that is OK, but I also while I don't stay angry I also tend to push people away that love me. Today that fact, that "thing" that God has been showing me for so long that I just keep saying "no God, I am better off" slapped me in the face and it hurt. Not a little sting but like punch in the gut. I love you but I tend to keep those who love me at arms length, if you get too close I push. I think it is a pattern I developed when I drank too much, ate too much and just didn't do good things too much. Today I was honored and humbled to go and stay with our cousin Rhonda who just had A mastectomy, I got to hang out with her while James and Gean (her husband) went grocery shopping ( GOTTA LOVE THAT LADIES, the guys went to the store but that's how they both are). While the men were gone Rhonda's surgeon called to let her know that the pathology report was positive for cancer in 3 of the 8 lymph nodes. Man, wow, all I could do was say OK God, here I am and why me because I pushed her away hard. Why? Because they loved me, for who I was, who I could be, and who they knew I should be and didn't judge me, because they spoke truth into my life, because I was scared of the closeness, because I loved them and they loved me in return and they knew the REAL ME. 3 years ago or so I started on an incredible journey of falling in Love with Jesus, and out of the image of myself, in the process I pushed people away. I hear so often now that I people always feel like I am holding something back, like there is something I am not saying. My excuse is always the same, I am scared, I don't know how to Trust, I can only trust God but then trusting God means that I let people in, that I give and i RECEIVE. I am not good at the receiving part. Today, reminded me that we need friends, we need family and we need to be close to those God weaves into our lives (Rhonda's words, not mine). All in all it was a beautiful afternoon even with Cancer taking a stab at someone I love very much. It was still a great day, because the best part about people loving you they love you when you walk away, they love you when you come home and they love while your gone, I almost felt like the prodigal son and yet after opening up to Rhonda and sharing whats been going on in my world, he this amazing GOD I shared allowed me to be there when she got the news, no I was not giving in that moment, I was receiving receiving the blessing of being there for someone and being OK with the fact that I was the one there to support her even after all the time I let pass... GO GRAB SOMEONE YOU LOVE AND TELL THEM, Call an old friend, build a bridge, Trust that if GOD loves us so can his other children, Trust in GOD, Trust in his Love and let him put people in your life to be a tangible reminder of his goodness, his grace, his comfort, his love and enjoy the fellowship don't be afraid to let others in, speak let people know the blessings are so worth it.

I LOVE YOU ALL... GOD BLESS!