Sometimes

Sometimes my Faith wavers, a bit! We all need comfort and we all need to feel support and love and when we don't feel it we seek to find "something", "anything" to fill the hole left inside of us. There are those who use food, alcohol, drugs, sex, anger, and a host of other options but what are we supposed to do? God wants us to lean on him and look to him. I have used almost everything to satisfy my need for acceptance, I can't say that I ever doubted there was a God but I have doubted that I was good enough for him to save which is in itself a act of not having Faith. I struggle with this.

Last night I attended a local trade show and was a moment for me that was filled with painful memories, good memories and a time when I was forced to face old friends, enemies (if you call them that) and most importantly myself. I had this incredible need to be supported, I wanted to be surrounded by those who loved me and I wanted more then anything to go back in time and be what was in the past, then I thought NO, When I left I did the following I began texting friends that love me, bought a diet coke and the biggest bag of M & M's. FOOD, better then drinking right, maybe or maybe not I have struggled with my weight my whole life so food is as dangerous as a drink or a drug. I need Faith and God has been building it now I have to hold onto it.

Today, I am praying, listening to beautiful songs and believing in MY GOD and trying to understand that Faith is like a fitness routine I have to practice it and work at it or it grows weak, but just like muscle has memory and comes back fast so does of our Faith. I have never doubted that there is a God but that is not enough I have to have FAITH that he HAS ME IN HIS EVERLASTING ARMS!

GOD BLESS!